Good Grief! I Want to Run Away Sometimes!

Breathe.

How do I keep breathing when my world has been rocked to the core? How does everyone else’s world keep spinning when mine has come to a grinding halt? How do I keep moving forward when all I want to do is go back? How in the hell do I get out from under this heavy, heavy cloak of grief?

Breathe.

Everyone deals with grief and grieving differently and there is no right or wrong way to process loss. I have 3 big losses in my life. I was in 2nd grade when my maternal grandfather died. I was much too young to comprehend the gravity of death on any level deeper than I would never see him again. I was a sophomore in high school when my paternal grandfather died. I was at boarding school and my Daddy called and I knew instantly before he said what he had called to say. 3 years ago my paternal grandmother died and I still sometimes have a hard time processing the fact that she’s dead. I still sometimes have a hard time processing that the 3 of them are not here to interact with my Baby Bub.

Breathe.

And then… And then you see your loved ones dealing with grief and you know there is nothing you can say or do to make it easier for them to wade through. You know that they have to find the way to deal with it that works for them and it’s probably not going to be the way you deal with it. My major losses were my grandparents. I do not want to think about what it will be like to have to bury my parents nor can I think about how heavy the cloak of grief will be if I have to bury Bub. And there is nothing natural about having to bury a child. My grandmother did it and both of Bub’s grandmothers did it and I do not know how in the world they made it through it.

The worst part of death is leaving behind the people on earth. I believe in the afterlife and that belief is comforting. I know where I am going and who’s waiting on me to get there. I am not worried about death but I do not like to think about who I will be leaving behind.

Breathe.

As I have gotten older, my belief that I will live forever has dissolved and in its place has emerged a general resolve to not take for granted this life- this good life.

Breathe.

Signature***Admin Note***

We realize, here at funthingstodowhileyourewaiting.com, that grief is the least fun thing to do while you’re waiting, but it is certainly something that touches each of us and our readers. We strive for authenticity and honesty at fttdwyw, and although some posts may not be fun, they represent what is in our hearts and heads- which is the whole point of this blog.

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Coralie

Coralie

5 Comments

    • Brooke, This was certainly written in part for your Moma. She was a Dynamo! and I love her & will miss her. I pray that I one day will make just half the impression on Henry’s friends that she made on me. There is no doubt Heaven’s choir of Angels were flapping their wings especially hard when she got there! Much love to you & and yours. -Coralie

  1. Thanks for this one Coralie. I really appreciate the fact that you and Bert drove up for the service and I am sorry that I didn’t get to talk to you guys more. I love you both very much.

    • Maggie,
      I’ll miss your Moma. No need for apologies. Not even a little bit. I hate funerals. What a shitty excuse to get to see you. What a shitty. shitty. shitty excuse. Next time will be different and we’ll be able to visit. We love both of y’all very much too. -Coralie

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