I firmly believe that I get better with age. I am not opposed to getting older in the least. I look forward to my birthday with excitement. With age comes understanding and depth and wisdom- all of which I truly appreciate. The lines on my face are from my life experiences. I have laughed hard a lot. I have loved hard a lot. The little lines around my mouth- I smoked many a cigarette and I enjoyed every single one. My eyelids kinda fold over onto my eyelashes- so did my Moma’s and so did Momo’s. My hair is getting whiter by the minute- no doubt who my family is.
In 34 years I have learned that I will, for the rest of my life, be a work in progress. If I ever reach a point where I am not a work in progress, may I be dead. Seriously. I have come to know that I can always be better. For the rest of my life, I want to be the best human that I can be. And I am not delusional in thinking that I need to work on that. I am a good human as I am- but, I could be better. I rarely seek the spotlight or center stage- I’m just not comfortable there. This birthday I learned that it’s okay to be celebrated especially on my birthday.
My 34th Birthday has been very eye-opening to myself. I spent most of the day alone with my sidekick, Baby Bub. Being alone on my birthday was a first. This afternoon I raced us out of the house to go to memorial service without a single diaper much less a sippy cup or pair of shoes. After being there for about half an hour Baby Bub had a blooooooooow out. Thank goodness I was able to buy diapers and wipes in a nearby drug store. He had to be striped and cleaned up before he could get in his car seat. We didn’t return to the memorial service but, we did run in Winn Dixie to get some milk on our way home. The moral of this story is- don’t judge that Moma you see in the grocery store with a baby just in a diaper- she could have been the victim of a blow out!
Bub and I have plans to visit my BFF in Tupelo in December and go see Graceland in Memphis (Yes. I love Elvis.) for my birthday. So, we didn’t make any plans for my actual birthday- not even having a glass of wine at home, much less at a bar. I did not realize how affected I would be just treating my birthday so nonchalantly. In all fairness and frank honesty- it sucked. There was a time when I celebrated the entire month of October.
This has been the first time in 34 years that I have tried to treat my birthday as just another day. This is what I learned today- I never want to treat my birthday as just another day ever again. I get one birthday a year and I don’t want to let it slip past me without taking a bite out of it! This is why I say, I am a work in progress and hopefully will always be a work in progress. Sometimes, I just have to figure stuff out for myself. In retreating to my comfort zone of shunning attention, I isolated myself- I take responsibility for it and it sucked.
The light at the end of this tunnel is that I am very excited about our trip to see Precious Darling’s house lit up in blue Christmas lights! I like having something to look forward to doing. That’s going to be fun- more fun than having a pity party- that is for sure! And a lesson I got some continuing ed on is that no one likes a Debbie Downer- so, I promise to return to my regularly scheduled upbeat self on Wednesday.