Y’all. I love people watching. I love watching people interact with not only other people but their environment. And- as a bartender I have an excellent job to people watch. Without a doubt, alcohol lowers inhibition so from my position behind the bar I have a prime spot to do some really interesting people watching.
Yes, I have seen some things and yes, I am pretty skilled at reading body language.
Wednesday night a couple, roughly my age, came in and sat down to dinner at the bar. I got their drinks and their food ordered. They seemed nice and they were chatting it up. I could tell they were on a date and quite possibly the first date just by watching how they interacted. The second time the dude got up, with his phone, leaving the woman alone at the bar I started asking her questions.
In fact, they were on their first date. I asked if she like him and she said the fact that he kept going outside with his phone leaving her alone was a major turn-off. She went on to lament that “on paper” they were highly compatible- but, the fact that he kept going outside to smoke a cigarette with his phone was a case in point why she hated dating.
I am going to be honest until I met Bub and we started dating, I had no idea what it was like to have a dude be into me. Bub was and continues to be such a gentleman. It was like a light bulb went off in my head in regards to that book He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt. The gist of the book is that if a dude is not asking you on dates, calling when he says he is going to and generally behaving as a chivalrous gentleman- he’s just not that into you. It’s a little tongue and cheek but Behrendt explains that when a dude gets serious about a girl- he quits playing games and gets down to business.
When it came to Bub and me- he was firing on all 8 cylinders! At the end of the day, a lady likes to be treated as such and when a suitor is not capable or willing to treat her as such- she will hopefully sooner than later come to her senses and kick him (or her) to the curb.
The female half of the couple Wednesday night at my bar was very quick to pick up that he was not putting her first in his thoughts- be was putting his cigarettes first. I love it when a woman does not put up with bullshit (pardon my French). Although she remained engaged in the conversation and such, the 3rd time (within 45 minutes) that he went out to smoke she was clearly pissed. I think it would have been a different situation if she smoked and was going out with him but she wasn’t.
Okay- confession time- I am shamelessly addicted to reality TV. It goes back to that whole people watching thing that I love. So, the latest show that I watched was a show on A&E titled Married at First Sight. Bub says my brain should rot out watching some of the stuff I watch- not all of us can watch sports 24/7- but, that’s neither here nor there.
Where was I? Oh yeah- Married at First Sight. So, the premise of the show was a social experiment documentary. Four highly educated experts screened a large group of people looking for 6 volunteers to marry a perfect stranger and then stay married and live as a married couple for a month. The volunteers had to answer an extensive questionnaire and go through multiple rounds of psychoanalysis to see if they could mentally handle the experiment. At the end of the month the volunteer couples could decide to either stay married or divorce.
I will tell you that each of these couples were really compatible on paper- the experts really tried to diligently match them with what they wanted in a mate. And I will also tell you this- one couple hit it off almost immediately, and although one couple had sex on their honeymoon they also had their first argument on their honeymoon, and one bride had a panic attack after the ceremony. But, only one couple choose to get a divorce. It was actually a really interesting show. I am looking forward to the next season.
It is always interesting to watch a couple on a date. I love the bar guests who have been married for years and years because the way they interact with me and those around them is obviously different those who are a new couple. And I can always tell when one or the other of the new couple is not that into the other- so, my best advice to anyone on the dating scene is to listen to your instincts and you will know if he (or she) is just not that into you & if all else fails, ask your bartender.
Do you have any good first date stories- you know Leigh and I want to hear them!
P.S. This photo of Bub and me was taken about 3 months after we started dating.