Once Upon A Time…. there lived a maiden named Regina Leigh. She lived in the fantastical realm of Burbank in an area famed for it’s lake of Toluca. Regina Leigh was a funny girl who liked certain things a certain way. The temperature of her dwelling was one of those such things. She was blessed with air that was central which was much to her liking. She had always been one whose blood ran warm and tended to like the cooler air. With the thermostat set to 70 degrees she would be known to declare, “It’s too hot when I do the dishes!” And with the thermostat set to 68 degrees she would lament, “It’s too cold! What is this? Chicago?!” But with the thermostat set to 69 degrees, she was finally content. For when she slept, she slept best with her feet warm, but her nose cold.
Once the thermostat was set, she very rarely ever touched the controls. The thermostat, although not UNattractive, was slightly unsightly! “What ever shall I do?” Regina Leigh was overheard saying. It was then that she remembered an edict she had seen that had been posted on a page in the Pinterest dominion. The edict decreed, “Cover your unsightly panel with a hinged painting!” Regina Leigh thought that this would be a brilliant idea allowing the panel to be covered but still easily accessible if ever she wanted to change it. So she set out to do just that!
She gathered the necessary items to fulfill this one wish. She found hinges made of brass (that were on sale, no less!), an old piece of art that had a hollow canvas, a driver of screws, some tape upon which she could scribe, a nail, and some toothpaste. Upon seeing the strange assemblage, Sir Jojo (a knight of the realm) declared, “Toothpaste?! My dear lady, what on Earth are you doing?!” “Have faith, good sir…” she replied. “For I knoweth what I do.”
She measured and planned through the afternoon going forth boldly with a plan that she thought was sound.
“I’ll screw these hinges on the painting first, saving me the work later when I attach it to the wall. I’ll use the tape of the painters to indicate where the screw should go on the wall to make it easier for me to identify later!” She exclaimed smarmily in awe of her own cleverness.
But little did she know that her hubris would work against her. That instead of being easier, she had actually made the task harder! She tried to attach the hinges to the wall but found the angle at which she was working was too restrictive and just wouldn’t do at all! After removing all the screws, she set her face to a determined scrunch and tried a second time.
“What if I secure the hinge to the WALL first?” she wondered. “Surely that will provide a secure foundation from which to measure to make sure the painting is juuuuuuust right.”
She enlisted the help of the willing Sir Jojo and screwed the first hinge to the wall. She made sure that the painting covered the panel and then again used the painters tape on the interior of the frame, but this time with greater success!
“Huzzah!” She cried. “With the first hinge securely fastened, I can measure to make sure that the painting will be straight and perfect. And behold! With the painters tape I can mark exactly where I need to put the other screws on the painting! My, this IS easier!”
She opened and closed her painting several times and was so pleased with her work that it took her a moment to realize that something STILL wasn’t right.
“I’ve put hinges on the top and bottom of the picture so that it will be level and steadfast…” She mused. “But STILL the painting does not sit flush with the wall! This will not do!”
She furrowed her brow and set her mind to the task once again.
“What if I use the existing hardware on the frame to create a make-shift latch?” she thought. “If I place a nail slightly beneath where it would originally go (that is, if I were hanging the painting instead of hinging it) then surely I could then just gently lift the painting and secure it on the nail holding it in place! Brilliant!”
So, she got her hammer and nail and a tube of toothpaste for she had heard from a sage of a trick (again from the dominion of Pinterest) that if you dab a tiny bit of toothpaste on a painting where the nail should go, when you press it to the wall it will leave a mark where your nail should be placed. She tried the trick, and although it was successful, all magic comes with a price. She frowned at the toothpaste that had gotten all over her hands, the painting, and the wall as she did not like getting her hands messy. She declared, “Oh, well! At least it worked!” as she then gently latched the painting onto the nail admiring the straightness of her handiwork.
The panel was covered much to the delight of Regina Leigh and her fair knight Sir Jojo and there was much rejoicing in the kingdom. They were able to change the temperature with ease and never see the thermostat again! And they lived quite happily ever after.
THE END.
Good article. Cute AND informative. Save it for the column.