The Best and WORST Halloween Costumes!

[spotify track=”spotify:track:4MyFSB0Fmo9VcYPHNCNI3R”]

I’ve had this blog post planned for a month now… ever since I did the math and figured out it was my job to post on Halloween. In years past, my contempt for Halloween costumes that were billed as “Sexy __________” was palpable. I would be curious to know when Halloween became this “sexy”? I don’t remember when I was growing up seeing the adults going to parties dressed as Sexy California Raisins, you know? It seems like this is a relatively (within the last two decades) new phenomena. Make of that what you will cultural anthropologists. The whole idea of the hyper-sexualization of both our society and Halloween just leaves the worst taste in my mouth. It still does… but I’ve had kind of an epiphany about it– I just no longer have the time or energy to care. If you want to dress up as a Sexy Fire Hydrant, then girlfriend… DO IT. There is already so much vitriol in this world that I don’t need to add more fuel to the fire– even if it is in an inner monologue. So long as it doesn’t hurt me (or the ones I love) and it floats your boat, then Get It, Gurl/Boy! And frankly, scantily clad girl dressed as a sexy ear of corn, freezing your kernels off (because its the end of October), you actually just kind of made my day. My love of schadenfreude and the ridiculous trumps my need to lecture you every time! So, if I see it out and about… and you put money or time into it, then wear that sexy Halloween costume with pride. But, the ‘Sexy Halloween Industry’ is out of control.

Here are a few of the stoopidest Sexy Halloween costumes I’ve seen this year:

 

Yes, this one is way more sexual than I think is appropriate for Halloween, but what really gets me about this costume is that it is billed as a “Sexy Octopus”. Here’s the thing… I can count at least 11 visible tentacles here. COME ON!? Sexy cephalopod? Yeah… I’d understand that! But, octopus?! Seriously?! Plus, the boots really confuse me. Actually, this whole costume confuses me.

 

 

This one also bothers me… but not in the way you’d think. Sexy skeleton? Sure! Why not! But, I can see her feet beneath the FEET on the tights on her legs. Visually, this just makes no sense. There is no skull drawing… and everything else seems to be in the right-ish place… but those feet KILL ME!

 

 

 

This one bothers me for exactly the reasons you’d guess. I can see the appeal of subverting a childhood icon and turning it on its head. That could be sexy. This? This is just trash. I never wanted to see Ernie’s camel toe. Sexy is obviously in the eye of the beholder, but this isn’t sexy to me. I can’t imagine this is sanctioned by Sesame Street and must fall under some “parody” provision of the law. The longer I type this post, the more I fear I sound like I’m being a prude, but what would be the point of wearing this? In a thousand years from now, when archeologists unearth the plastic bag containing this costume, I shudder to think what they will assume about our society.

 

 

 

Where are we as a people when we are even sexualizing our pets? Okay… this is actually kind of hilarious– as are all pet costumes, but just the fact that this is now a thing? That there are websites devoted to matching sexy pet costumes? That blows my mind.

 

 

 

So, how do you do it right? That’s all up to you. I will share my favorite sexy costume ever: Sexy Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The lovely lady in the picture is Brooke Hatfield— a friend of mine from college. This costume, to me, is brilliant. Subversive. Clever. And super sexy! Total win. I also like it that this is the first picture that comes up when you Google, “Sexy Ruth Bader Ginsburg”. Between the lace ascot, the tights, the glasses, the ponytail, the short robe, and gavel… hilarious! It also doesn’t hurt to have great gams!

 

 

 

I guess I just like SMART costumes. Like, here’s Werewolf Blitzer. Funny. Topical. Clever. This is just a great costume, to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or, what about French Kiss?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another friend of mine has a Halloween practice that I also love. Instead of dressing up as something specific, she goes as different versions of herself. Just add a descriptive word and then your name and you’ve got it. (i.e. DISCO Leigh, Renaissance Leigh, etc.) I dig the simplicity and the fact that you are still true to yourself first.

Regardless of what your thoughts are on the sexualization of Halloween, I think we can agree that all wounds can be salved by pictures of adorable animal costumes.

 

 

Of all the Miley Cyrus costumes out there that I’ve seen this year, this one wins hands down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean… how adorable is this Boston Terrier as a Chia Pet?! We love Chia seeds around here!

 

 

This one combines two of my favorite things… puppies and otters. See… the otter’s tail is also the puppy’s. And the otter is eating an Otter Pop… ohgoodness. You should click through to see the rest of this dogs Halloween costumes… including a Segway riding, polo-playing, Steve Wozniak.

 

 

And here’s a spooooky horse! The amount of work it must have taken to do this is boggling!

 

 

 

No matter what you are doing this Halloween, be safe and responsible. Don’t be a jerk. And if you want to loan your child to me for only a 5% cut on their candy haul, I’d be glad to take them Trick-or-Treating! Happy Halloween!!!